Is a Mom-cation a luxury or a Mental Health Necessity?

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Hey traveler, today I'm joined by one of our fabulous travel advisors, Sammie Fay, and we're coming to you directly from the beautiful Disney Wish. I cannot believe that we're sitting here. I mean literally we can see the ocean. We're sitting on the couch on our balcony or stateroom and the ocean is like glass.

It's beautiful. Last night was the best night's sleep I think I've had in months.

Same, same. I always sleep better on the cruise ship but last night hit different. Our question of the week is especially timely: Is a mom-cation actually a luxury or is it a mental health necessity?

This question is like right up my alley. I have two littles—I mean, Olivia's only five and my oldest is going to be 13. And I think that it's both. But I think it depends on your support system. Like, I thoroughly need the mental health break, but if you don't have a spouse or family that can help support that... Like, Ryan works from home, so he has the ability to get them from school. If he was gone for work, I don't know how we would do it.

Yeah, I feel like I understand the luxury point but I also think like it is absolutely a mental health necessity. My daughter is an adult now so it's obviously totally different. But when she was little I did mom trips—like either solo travel because I travel for work obviously, but also just with friends. Just finding a couple girlfriends, a long weekend, and it worked out really nicely. The idea of having to be a mom 365 days a year and have that responsibility on your shoulders every single day, to me, is a recipe for burnout—like major burnout, right?

I mean, even take the mom part of it aside, too. Like, maybe you're a fur mom—like you have dogs or cats, or I don't know, you're just human and you are doing things all of the time. To escape reality is very needed.

Yeah, I agree because I don't think it's unique. I think moms have a special situation, right? Because you have people depending on you constantly. But to your point, like even if you are in a relationship, an individual solo trip or a friend trip—guys always go on sporting events or golf trips—and I think women need to get away too, regardless. But that idea that it's a luxury... I mean, I will say this: when Allison was young, I had a woman that I was aware of who was one of those really jealous, mean-girl types but pretended not to be. And behind my back, she would say things about how it's disgusting that I would take a trip and leave my kid at home. Now, let's be real, if you've got a budget that only allows you to do like one trip a year, then maybe that looks different. I still think a mom deserves time to get away, but maybe it looks different—like you're not going out on a cruise like we're on right now. But the idea that it was selfish for me to do that... my kid gets to go on vacation a lot. We were just talking about traveling without your kids.

Yeah. No, they go on cruises all the time so I don't feel as bad. But my thing too is if you don't have the support system and your kids are now fending for themselves, like that's not practical—no, you probably shouldn't go. But you can do other things, even if it's... I say it all the time and Ryan's like, 'This sounds sad,' but for Mother's Day I want a night away at a hotel by myself. And he's like, 'Why?' I go, 'I don't want it on Mother's Day, but for Mother's Day if you said go to the Marriott down the street, I'd be like, say less, I'm out.' Because, like, that minute to just catch your breath is so important.

Yeah, absolutely. And I think too, like, your husband's really involved in the raising of your kids; you're not like doing all the work yourself. I had that same luxury, which I know so many moms don't, right? So many moms are on their own with this and that makes it even crazier. But if you maybe could pass the responsibility and share it with a friend and be like, 'I'll watch your kids for a night or two and you watch mine.' But what I used to say when our daughter was little is I want her to develop relationships with her grandparents and my sister. The idea of Eric and I going away for a long weekend or—I think the longest we left her was like a week when she was younger—that built that relationship with her grandparents and my sister so much. And it wasn't like we were dumping her somewhere; it was like she got a vacation too, right? Because kids need a vacation from their parents.

They need to learn how to love themselves and get older, too. Like, mom's not just taking care of everyone, she's taking care of herself, and seeing that and normalizing that is huge. But I also do a better job of loving them more when my cup is full, when I'm not drained. I'm not snapping all the time, I'm not agitated or as overstimulated. Like, we'll come back from this and I'll be good for like four or five months. And I'll be like, 'All right, I was able to be just me, and only worry about me, and now I can take care of other people.'

And I think that's a universal thing, right? Like, cruising may not be within some people's means; maybe it is. And I will say, this is a trip we both needed so bad. Like, we were calling this the 'get me the heck out of here' trip because winter in New England was really rough this year, the world is really rough this year, like all the things. And it had nothing to do with a need to escape our families; I think it was more about just needing that reclaiming of ourselves. And I think we're meeting up with Jess, one of our other agents, when we get back on land—cannot wait! I am so excited. And we'll see Shalon again. So, those trips are like that. You get to just be who we are, and traveling with the right people, I think, is important too. Because if you're with people that are like, 'Everything has to be controlled,' or 'Everything has to be one way,' that can be really challenging for this type of trip especially. It's like, you were up sitting on the deck getting in the sun, getting your recharge in the sun, and I was hiding in the shade because that's... but that worked out really well.

And I think it's important to figure out like as a human—let's just leave the mom thing aside, because not everybody's a mom and not everybody's raising children at the moment, even if they are—but maybe you rent a cabin in the woods with your girlfriends and you go. Maybe you go one night early just by yourself. Yeah, like that feels so appealing to me too where I'm like, 'I'm going to bring my Kindle and a blanket and not move.'

I think it's just making sure you allow whatever situation you're in for you to pour back into yourself and not feeling guilty, because I think that's one of the bigger things that a lot of moms, dads, whoever have is like that guilt piece. Like, 'I feel bad leaving.' Why? Why have you put this much pressure on yourself to not be able to be independent anymore? Why are you not allowing yourself to fill your own cup when you're preaching to everybody else most of the time like, 'Don't forget about you, don't forget about you'? And then when it comes to you, you're like, 'Well, I...' and then you make all these excuses. And I'm a better person when I pour back into myself.

Yeah, because think about the 'put your oxygen mask on first' rule, and that reality is real because you can't take care of other people—whether they're humans or, you know, whatever, other people that are humans, you know those people. But if you're empty and you're starving for air, you can't really show up for them. And I will say, you did a social media post recently about your daughter, your little one, talking about how mom works. And that hit me like right between the eyes as a mom of a grown adult, because we are teaching our children that, A, we are humans that deserve to be taken care of too, and also, we are teaching them that as they grow up, they can chase their dreams—their professional dreams—and be a mom at the same time if that's what they want. Right? Like we have to remember that role-modeling thing. And I will say, more than anything else, they don't remember what you say, but they absolutely remember what you do. I used to think that, yeah, that's true, so true.

100% true.

That to me is like wild. And I think to the other piece—and I don't want to neglect this part because I mentioned like the grandparents and stuff—but my husband was like your husband with them, like super active. It's a partnership. But leaving them home with dad is also fantastic for them too, 100%. I remember people being like, 'Your husband does that? He does that?' I'm like, 'Well, first of all, I didn't marry a loser.' Right? Like, he has a child too. We are doing this together. But she learned that she was never... and I think I know at least your little one is like this, my daughter was never in the position where she would only ask mom to do things. Sometimes she'd even ask dad to do things more than mom, and I'd be like sitting on the couch going, 'Heh heh, job well done.'

Nailed it. My thing is like, just showing them like, 'Hey, you can take care of yourself,' but then how do you reciprocate it when you come back? So like, I'm always asking Ryan, 'What do you need?' Other than, like, obviously I know his love languages, but like outside of you and me, like, 'What do you need for you?' So with your friends, do you want to go... I don't know, go go-kart racing, like something? Yeah, but on your own, do you want to do that? And some people don't like that, and that's okay. So like if you're someone who solo travel sounds like zero appeal to me, okay, fine. Does it sound appealing to go with your friends, or maybe it really is just connecting with your spouse and going and doing something with them and that will fill your cup? Yeah, whatever it looks like for you is not right or wrong, but like for me, I'm very much a... I like my quiet time, I like my space, but I also like interaction. So like the situation that we're in where we came together, but like you said earlier, it's perfect: I went and sat in the sun, you went out in the shade, and that was great. I'm getting both cups of what I need—I need that friend interaction and I need that alone time interaction.

Yeah, and I think like I was thinking about my sister who really is not a fan of cruising, but if you told her that everybody was going to leave the house for two days, she would rather be home in her own home relaxing that way. So her husband, instead of sending her to a hotel, like literally when her boys were young, would take them away and she would just get to be home with her cats.

I love that.

Yeah. And it was like, it was fabulous. So, to your point, like everybody's time looks different, but figuring out what that looks like is absolutely a mental health necessity, and I don't know how you get through. Life is hard. I know it sounds like crazy to be like, 'Hey listener, life is hard'—like you don't know that, like we know how hard life is. And I don't know how people did it, like in the '50s, like before that, because they didn't have time for themselves. Right? You were only the mom, took care of the kids and the house, and dad came home and at least the TV shows show me like the slippers on the floor and you had to have everything ready.

And like a three-course meal on the table in heels.

Yeah, no—I was born in the right time—and an apron.

No, thank you. I will take my bathing suit and a cover-up, including my cast currently, and just bring me to a wheelchair, thank you. Yeah.

All right guys, we're going to call it there because we've got some more stuff to do, including Muppet trivia in a few minutes. So yeah, we gotta go, but we unequivocally think that a mom-cation or a girl's trip or whatever you need to get away and create that sense of peace for yourself is absolutely a necessity. Don't skip it. All right, that is one more question unpacked. If you have a travel stumper you want us to tackle, or if you're ready to let a pro handle the heavy lifting for your next getaway, send us a text to the show, or come find us at mickeyguru.com. See you next week when we'll be answering the question: why should I choose a cruise for my next vacation? See you real soon, traveler.

Thank you for listening to Talk Travel to Me. We hope this episode cracked open inspiration for the treasures that await you at your next dream destination. If you love the show, please review, subscribe, and share it with a friend at Mickey Guru Travel Company, where we're your trusted guides for theme parks, cruises, resorts, and more. Visit our website at mickeyguru.com to learn more and book your vacation today.